June 2011
Joey on Lady Galadriel/Cate Blanchett
Joey: She looks like such a whore.
No need to guess which scene in Black Swan had the...
Me: Hey Joey you were in my dream last night.
Joey: Was I good?
My bedroom wall literally just rumbled a little due to a massive fart in the bathroom beside my room. Goodnight to you too, miscellaneous family member.
Well duh
Joey: Is that George Clooney?
Me: Yeah how'd you know?
Joey: He's the world's sexiest man.
4 tags
Playing Monopoly with the family
Joey: Dad, what colour card do you want?
Dad: Purple.
Joey: You're gay.
3 tags
My dad, to Julia Roberts, watching My Best...
Dad: Yeah you lost him, that's what you get for trying to steal him. Trying to steal your best friend's man, you little slut.
4 tags
Suck it, Gilmore Girls
Me: Want to go get a coffee?
Mum: Want to go to shitface? Want to go to cunt-lick? Want to go to dog-dog?
Mum: Yeah ok but I'm in a really weird mood today.
3 tags
Open family discussion on a Kim Kardashian bikini...
Dad: She has a weird ass.
Mum: That's what i said to Hannah, would you like a bottom like that?
Dad: It's like a baboon ass.
Dad: You know how they stick out like that? *demonstrates baboon ass*
Dad: Jesus. That's an ass.
James: Is that a ghootoo booty?
Dad: A go-to booty?
Hannah: Are you trying to say 'ghetto booty'?
James: Ghootoo.
Mum: No it's ghetto.
Dad: Do you think she'd like to be described as a baboon?
3 tags
Apparently we talk about gigolos a lot
James: “Don’t be such a gigolo”
Me: “How do you know I’m a gigolo?”
Dad from the other room: “How can Hannah be a gigolo? You have to be a boy to be a gigolo. Unless she is a boy and is a gigolo and has hidden this from us. IS THIS TRUE??”
Me: “WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME?”
---LATER---
Me: “James. You’re a gigolo.”
James: *angry birds*
Me: “Hey gigolo.”
James: *angry birds*
Me: “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GIGOLO???”
James: “WHY ARE YOU SAYING GIGOLO SO MUCH????”
Mum, walking in from the other room: “A GIGOLO is a man who accompanies older women…”
James: “Yeah a male prostitute, Mum I know what a gigolo is, I said why does Hannah keep saying—-“
Mum, still defining: “…HE DOESN’T necessarily have to sleep with them—-“
Me: “Like an escort.”
Mum: “Yes!”
Joey, from the computer, singing: “MAALE PROSTITUTE!!!!”
---LATER---
James: “Where’s the laptop?”
Dad: *seemingly passed out on the couch*
Me: “Suck a dick!!”
James: “Dad! Laptop?”
Me: “SUCK A DICK”
James “SUCK A VAGINA”
Me, James, Mum and Dad: “Ew”
Joey, from the computer: “HEE HEE”
James: “SUCK A GIGOLO”
Joey: “Suck a gigolo’s bottom!”
Everyone: “………”
Dad: “Why would you do that? Poo would come out.”
3 tags
Joey's brutal gang story
My younger brother’s unedited slice of genius:
The day had arrived! Intiation day! I woke up feeling excited and nervous! Little did I know what lay ahead. Elli the gang leader said the gang will meet in Melbourne. My first intiation I had to do was 50 sit-ups in one minute and thirty seconds. How am I am suppose to do that! Well I will have to find out later today wont I. I got...
3 tags
Joey's lyricism, part 2
3 tags
Joey's lyrical text messages, part I
2 tags
How my family behaves sans TV
Joey: "Hannah, do you pound butt?"
Me: *ignores*
Joey: "Hannah, do you pound butt?"
Me: *ignores*
Joey: "Hannah, do you pound butt?"
Me: *ignores*
Joey: "Hannah. Do you pound butt?!"
Me: "Obviously!!!"
Joey: "Hey Dad. James pounds butt."
Me: "Ask Dad if he pounds butt."
Joey: "Hey Dad, do you pound butt?"
[James tries to put Arrested Development on, knowing it is FORBIDDEN.]
Me: "James, just eject the disc."
Joey: "James erect the dick."
James to Mum: "Quick grab the dick!"
Mum: "What dick?"
James: "That dick!!"
Mum: "WHAT DICK??"
Me: "THE DVD!!!"
Mum: "Grab the floppy dick!"
Dad: "Just pull it out."
Mum: "That's what she said!!"
Everyone: "PULL OUT THE FLOPPY DICK!!!"
Dad: "Before it breaks off!"
Mum: "What do they have instead of floppy dicks these days anyway? I mean floppy discs."
Dad: "Memory sticks. Mammary sticks. MAMMARY DICKS!!"
[Worryingly intense laughter all round.]
